Co-Parenting and Custody: Making the Best Choices for Your Children

After a divorce with children involved, you and your ex will need to co-parent together. Courts tend to agree on ensuring the best interests of the child prevail, and this often means shared custody of the child.

You need to remember that while your marriage may be over, your relationship with your children is not. Your priority will be acting in your kids’ best interests. This is easier said than done. However, you need to know the first step to being a mature, responsible co-parent: always put your children’s needs ahead of your own.

Even in an acrimonious divorce, you will need to learn to cooperate with the other parent. By focusing on a cooperative relationship, you can help your child feel secure. The children will benefit from the structure and consistency. Your child will have a healthy example to follow that they can use for future relationships. Plus, they will be mentally and emotionally healthier due to the lowered amount of stress.

Help your child thrive after a divorce by making the best choices for them. Here are some tips on how to co-parent effectively.

Set Aside Hurt and Anger

Marriages do not usually end amicably. There is usually some major reason why the marriage ended, so many divorces are filled with hurt and anger. There may be a lot of bitterness and resentment. 

Despite this, you need to put all these emotions aside for the sake of your children. Your kids did not cause your divorce, so do not subject them to the anger and tension that you feel for their other parent. You need to separate your feelings from your behavior. This can often be achieved by venting to a therapist or close friend. Stay focused on your children and never put them in the middle.

Improve Communication

Despite the end of your marriage, it is not too late to put your feelings aside and learn to communicate better with your ex. This will serve your main goal of improving your child’s well-being. 

You will need to communicate with your ex for a long time — at least until your child is 18 years old and perhaps much longer. You will both need to communicate with each other for the duration of your child’s upbringing, so be prepared to make decisions together.

Before having any contact with your ex, think about how your actions will affect your child. Keep in mind that you do not always have to communicate with your ex in person. The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so determine the type of contact that works best for you, whether it is texting, emailing, or talking on the phone. Set a business-like tone and make requests instead of demands. 

Keep conversations kid-focused. Discussions should always be about your child’s needs only. Do not talk about yourself or the other parent. Stay focused on your kid. Above all, always listen. Be willing to understand the other parent’s point of view and never forget to sincerely apologize when you have done something wrong.

Be a Team

You and your ex are co-parenting your children together, so you need to be on the same page and act like a team. Be consistent with rules, as having the same set of expectations at each house makes children less confused and less stressed out. While the rules do not have to be exactly the same, important rules like homework issues, curfews, and off-limit activities should be the same in both households.

Discipline should also be the same, so try to follow similar systems of consequences for broken rules. Also, aim for some consistency in your children’s schedules. Try to make meals, homework, and bedtimes similar in both houses. 

Also, you will need to make important decisions as co-parents. You both should be on the same page in regard to medical care, education, and financial issues. Do not make major decisions without consulting the other parent first. When there is a disagreement, keep talking. Have manners and be respectful. At the same time, be willing to compromise and do not sweat the small stuff. You cannot control every aspect of your child’s life, so be aware that you may need to let some things go.

Make Transitions Easier

Going from one parent to another is not always easy for children. They may not like all the constant back and forth. Plus, there is always some sadness, as every reunion with one parent means goodbye to another parent. 

To make things easier, always be positive. Do not talk negatively about the parent. Help your child with the change by reminding them a day or two ahead of time. Pack in advance to avoid forgetting anything. It is a good idea to keep duplicates of things, such as pajamas and hairbrushes, at each home.

When your child comes back home, keep things low-key for a while. Each transition can be stressful, so allow your child time to get back into the groove. Having a routine can be hopeful, such as going to get ice cream or serving a special meal. 

Seek Professional Help

If you and your ex cannot agree on a lot of things, it may be time to bring in a professional. Having a neutral third party can be beneficial. Consider help from a therapist or counselor who can communicate with you and your co-parent, offering neutral advice on decision-making. 

Contact Us Today

When it comes to child custody, the best interests of the child should prevail. You and the other parent should be making good decisions and not trying to hurt each other or seek revenge.

Ashley A. Andrews, APC, is an experienced attorney who can assist you with child custody matters. We are committed to helping our clients find solutions tailored to their individual circumstances surrounding child support. We specialize in navigating the complexities of California family law so you can have peace of mind knowing your rights and interests are protected. To schedule a consultation, fill out the online form or call (626) 346-0114.