Children and Divorce: Ensuring Their Well-Being Amidst Change

If you have ever been through a divorce, you know it can be a challenging situation. There are a lot of emotions involved. This is especially true when children are involved.

Children, especially younger ones, do not fully understand the logistics of divorce. Divorce splits a family into two, which can be a confusing situation for a child used to routines. Indeed, kids thrive on stability and routines, so a divorce can certainly throw them for a loop. It can make a child extremely sad and stressed out, causing significant upheaval in their social and academic lives. 

The end of a marriage can be a challenging time for the spouses as well. Parents may have a hard enough time trying to deal with their own emotions and post-divorce fears. Having to also manage their child’s new life after a divorce can be quite a challenge. 

You and your children will be in new territory once the divorce is finalized. This can be scary, but you will make it through it. Families break up all the time. You are not alone. With a little patience and reassurance, you can help your child cope. Here’s a guide to navigating divorce with children.

Tell Your Child About the Divorce

Be honest about the reason for the divorce, but make sure it is a kid-friendly explanation. Keep the reason short and simple. It can be something as simple as “We can’t get along anymore.” Just make it clear that the kids are not the reason for your divorce. Tell them you love them, but also make sure they know what to expect, such as logistical changes. There will now be two houses, so things will be different.

Understand What Your Child Needs

Your child wants both parents involved in their life, so make sure that happens. Both you and the other parent need to be focusing on the child’s needs. Try to co-parent as effectively as possible. Do not argue in front of your child. Avoid bad-mouthing the other parent, and do not use the child as a messenger. Be the bigger person and act like an adult. 

Provide Stability

Children thrive on routine, so try to keep things as normal as possible. Try to keep the child at the same school if at all possible so they don’t have to move and change schools. Try to keep daily routines the same if you can. Allow the child to keep participating in extracurricular activities and spend time with friends and family. 

Help Your Child Grieve

For a child, the divorce process can feel like a huge loss. They are losing the life they know, which can be difficult for a young child. A divorce can feel like a death in many ways, so as a parent, you need to do your part to help your child grieve. This means helping them express their emotions by doing the following:

• Listening. Encourage your child to share their feelings. They may be feeling emotional about things you may not have expected.

• Acknowledging their feelings. You may not be able to change their feelings, but you can at least acknowledge them. Show that you understand their feelings rather than dismissing them.

• Letting them be honest. Children might be reluctant to share their true feelings but encourage them to be honest. They will have an easier time with the divorce if they can share their honest feelings, even if they say things that may be hurtful to you.

• Making it an ongoing discussion. As children get older, they may have new questions, feelings, or concerns about the divorce. Keep the discussion going so they feel confident in their lives as they grow up and develop relationships of their own.

Work With the Other Parent

Put effort into being amicable with the other parent. If you cannot talk to them without arguing, find different ways to communicate. Use email, text, or apps to communicate. Do not be petty or revengeful. You do not have to like the other parent, but at least be respectful. This will teach your child how to solve problems. Plus, it will reassure them as they deal with the aftermath of the divorce.

Avoid conflict with the other parent. Fights can be damaging to children, as many kids think they are the cause of their parents’ divorce. Do not get your child involved in your arguments, and do not make them choose sides. Be tactful when talking to your child about the other parent. 

If you find yourself having conflicts with the other parent, remind yourself that having a good relationship with both parents is best for your child. Also, consider everyone’s well-being. The happiness of your children, yourself, and even your ex should all be priorities post-divorce. 

Keep Things Positive

Try to avoid negativity when possible. Children are sensitive and can easily pick up on negative emotions. Try to focus on humor. Play with your child and get their mind off the divorce. Keeping things light-hearted and fun can be helpful during this difficult time. 

Avoid venting to your child. Discuss your feelings with close friends or family members. It may also be a good idea to seek therapy for you and your child so you can get help managing your feelings and emotions. If your child is experiencing trouble at school, sleep problems, eating disorders, alcohol or drug abuse, frequent angry outbursts, and withdrawal from loved ones and favorite hobbies, seek professional help right away. 

Contact Us Today

Divorcing with children is not an easy endeavor. You can’t just think about yourself. You have to consider their feelings as well, and this can be difficult, depending on their age.

Divorce and other family law matters can be complicated when children are involved. Ashley A. Andrews, APC, is ready to help you find your way to a brighter future. We offer expert legal support with a caring touch. To learn more about how we can assist you with your family law matters, fill out the online form or call our office at (626) 346-0114.